Title:                  Context
Author:                 dlynn
Feedback:               dlynn1550@my-deja.com
Category:               vignette
Distribution:           Xemplary, Spooky's, Gossamer, 
                        yes. All others yes, but I'd 
                        like to know so I might visit.
Spoilers:               post episode for All Things, One
                        Breath
Rating:                 PG
Summary                 "It's mind-boggling, Mulder, to 
                        realize all the choices there are, 
                        and how each and every one from 
                        the tiniest decision we make, to 
                        what we perceive as life altering 
                        decisions, can impact our lives 
                        so tremendously."
Disclaimers:            Nope, not mine. Not one little bit, 
			but I sure have fun with them.
    

                        Context, and my other stories can be 
                        found at http://home.mpinet.net/laster


Context

Scully walked into Mulder's bedroom, shedding her 
clothing as swiftly, and quietly as possible. She 
opened one of the drawers in his armoire, grabbed 
a Knick's T-shirt and slid the soft, Mulder scent 
over her head. Picking up the white paper bag she'd 
laid on the floor, she headed for her side of the bed. 
She pulled open the paper edges of the bag, and removed 
a warm, fragrant muffin which she slowly edged over the 
blankets towards Mulder.

"I know you aren't asleep, Mulder. I see your eyes 
twitching," she whispered as she brought the apple 
cinnamon muffin closer to his cheek.

Without opening his eyes, he turned his head in the 
direction of the muffin and nibbled a small bite from 
her outstretched hand. Letting the muffin dissolve 
against his tongue in a swirl of sugar and spice, Mulder 
murmured, "I'm sleep-eating, Scully. And, after I finish 
doing that, I plan on sleepily making lo-"

"Mulder, don't even say it or think it. We'll be late to 
work," Scully admonished as she tore another hunk of 
muffin from its paper cup and laid it on Mulder's 
outstretched tongue. He contentedly chewed, still with 
his eyes closed, but a delighted smile tweaking at his 
lips.

"Scully, you wound me. I was only going to say that I 
was going to be sleepily making lots of coffee, to go 
with your delicious treats."

"Right, Mulder -- sleepily making lots of coffee -- I'm 
sure those were going to be your next words."

Scully pulled back the sheet and settled herself cross-
legged beside him. Reaching into the bag she pulled out 
a couple of napkins which she opened up and spread 
between them. She laid two croissants and another muffin 
on the tissue before delving into the bag again 
for styrafoam cups. Ripping the plastic lid off of one, 
she allowed the rich aroma to fill the air.

Mulder's left eye peaked open just as she took her first 
sip. "Oooh, Scully, you know what I like," came his sexy 
voice as he turned and reached for the other cup she 
held out. "I'm not going to convince you that we should 
be sleepily making lots of coffee, am I?" he said, 
sitting up in the bed, resting his back against the 
headboard.

"Not if we are going to make it into work at any modicum 
of a reasonable hour, no you're not," she replied, 
nibbling at her own muffin.

Laughing he slipped his plastic lid off his cup, and 
took an appreciative swallow. "Gotta love, Bailey's, 
Scully - the best coffee and croissants in DC."

"I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up going out 
for them at such a God forsaken hour this morning? I 
thought that was supposed to be your big 'He-man's' job, 
to protect the fair lady from muggers and attackers, to 
valiantly hoist your sword, and venture forth for 
sustenance, especially since it's your kitchen that 
exists as a virtual wasteland for anything remotely 
edible."

"Well, the only thing I've been "hoisted" on lately, 
Scully, is my own  petard. And, as far as protecting 
fair Dana from muggers and such, it's more likely they 
would be the one's needing help. And, I seem to recall 
you were the one who said, and I quote, 'Mulder, I 
hadn't planned on spending the night, and I really 
should go home and get a change of clothes before we 
head to work.'"

Sticking her tongue out in his direction, didn't have 
quite the desired effect as Mulder reached over, grabbed 
it gently with his lips and pulled it into his mouth. 
Scully reveled in the heady blend of apples, cinnamon 
and Mulder as she slid into his sleepy embrace.

Bringing his lips up to place a gentle kiss at her nose, 
Mulder asked, "You sure we don't have time to make lots 
of coffee?"

Instead of answering, Scully placed a fat croissant in 
his mouth. Laughing, he tore off a bite, and mumbled in 
between chewing.

"So, Scully, are you telling me that you brought a 
holistic healer to see your friend, Daniel? You went 
searching for auras?"

Reaching across Mulder to snatch a bite of his 
croissant, Scully pulled her leg up underneath her and 
sat back against the pillows. 

"Why do you seem so surprised, Mulder? You of all people 
should be aware of the extreme possibilities that can 
exist if we open ourselves up to them."

"Scully, having David Crosby's baby aside, I just am 
surprised that you embraced this "aura" thing with such 
fervency," he said as he dropped the sack holding the 
dregs of their breakfast over the side of the bed.

"That's gonna spill and make a mess, Mulder."

"Fine, I'll call in the maid. I'll make sure when 
Frohike dusts for bugs today that he wears his black 
skirt and white, frilly apron. He should do a great job 
with a few croissant crumbs."

Scully chortled as she settled herself back into the 
covers, laying her tousled head on Mulder's bare chest. 
"Oh Lord, Mulder, what a vision - Frohike in a French 
maid's ensemble, lacy cap above his bandana, and feather 
duster grasped in his fingerless gloved hand."

"You're just full of visions these days, aren't you Dr. 
Scully? --Visions and auras --Should we be trading in 
your cross for a crystal," Mulder said, reaching between 
them to touch her gold chain that hung from her neck. 

Scully looked down at his hand where it stroked the gold 
chain that lay against her chest. "No...I'm not forsaking 
my faith. I believe in the power of prayer; I believe in 
God's power to heal. I do believe in miracles. How can I 
not after all we've been through?" she whispered as she 
placed her hand on top of his. 

Raising her face to meet his gaze, Scully realized he'd 
be taken aback by the tears in her eyes. It seemed she 
was full of tears these days. Tears that had been such 
a long time coming, now seemed to be so close to the 
surface. It was as though she was finally coming out 
of a long, dark tunnel.

Mulder bent his head and gently kissed the corners of 
her eyelids. He trailed his warm, moist lips down her 
cheeks, lapping at each salty dewdrop until he came to 
rest at the corner of her mouth where he breathed, "It's 
good to see you cry, Scully." 

Sliding her mouth against his, she rejoiced in this 
emotional closeness that they were beginning to share, 
not only a sexual intimacy but their being able to 
talk more freely about their feelings, their wants 
and desires. 

They'd die for each other, but now they seemed more 
willing to live for each other as well. 

Pulling away from Mulder's ardent pursuit, Scully 
wrapped her arms around him so that they lay facing each 
other, side by side. Gently stroking his lip as he 
placed tiny kisses on her fingertips, she responded.

"With, Daniel. I was frightened at first, Mulder. 
Truthfully, I felt that finding him right now, was 
a potentially scary answer to my discontent-"

"Discontent? With me?"

"Honestly...partially... With you, with the life we lead, 
with the choices I've made that I worried might not be 
the correct choices for me."

"You've been sleep walking, Scully-" Mulder said, 
caressing her hair back from her face.

"Yes, I have. I've been caught in a world where I have 
felt life has in some ways sped by me at break neck 
speed. And...and, I've only barely managed to hang on. 
It's like when you're in the ocean, and the waves are 
breaking fast and furious. You manage to keep your 
toehold, you keep your head above water, but you don't 
really get the chance to obtain purchase on solid ground 
before the next big wave comes and slams into you."

Chewing her words over, like he just had the sweet muffin 
he'd just consumed, Mulder asked, "Have you 
found your toehold, Scully? Are you able to pull 
yourself back up onto the shore, or are things still 
crashing into you?"

"Seeing Daniel, again, was seductive. I could feel 
myself falling into past habits, deferring to the 
desires of someone else, to please him, but at the 
expense of pleasing myself. And, seeing him made me 
wonder...for a moment, yes...what it might have been 
like if I had chosen a path with him."

"Would you be happier, more fulfilled, having chosen 
that path, Scully?" Mulder asked, a slight catch in his 
voice as if he were afraid of the answer.

Grasping hold of his hand, and bringing the palm to her 
cheek where she lay it against her face, Scully replied, 
"No... I am not the person I once was. There is no way to 
interpret what might have been because the context has 
changed. I can't look at that scenario through the eyes 
of a 25-year-old. That capability is beyond me. I have 
only the context of this time, of where I am now to 
examine that other road. And, I like who I am now. And, 
this...Dana...could not be happy with that."

As he gently stroked her cheek, Scully could feel 
Mulder's relief at her words. His body relaxed, and his 
breathing slowed as he realized she hadn't chosen 
Daniel, or what he could offer her.

"Daniel got stuck, Mulder. He didn't grow; he stagnated 
for the last ten years. His life has been focused on an 
illusion that he couldn't have, a belief that what he 
chose when he chose me was all there was in life. He 
couldn't see that maybe that wasn't what was meant to 
be, that maybe there was a different life for him."

"But you were apparently very much alike. You were his 
student. He was your mentor. You-"

"I was enthralled with him, and I thought that was what 
I wanted. But, there came a time when I realized, I 
didn't want his vision for life. Maybe, that's where my 
faith comes in, Mulder. I've always had to juggle my 
scientific rationalism with the idea that I have a 
spiritual side, that I am a person of faith. 
And, I've also been aware, although I've not allowed 
myself to explore it, that I might be more intuitive 
than I've given myself credit. Staying with Daniel 
would not have allowed that dichotomy. I would have 
always been struggling against something...and not 
known what."

"Scully, I never told you about how I first met Melissa.
It was in the hospital, when you were returned to us," 
Mulder said as he reached across Scully into his bedside 
table to retrieve a Kleenex box. As he handed her the 
tissue, he continued, "Melissa was standing over you. 
She had a crystal in her hand, and she was holding it 
over your body. You were in a coma, attached to so many 
machines...you looked so small, so helpless...I-" His voice 
trailed off.

Scully wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him 
tightly into her embrace. After a few cleansing breaths, 
he continued. "She said you had just told her not to 
call me Fox. And, she told me you were deciding whether 
to stay or to...to move on. She placed my hand above you, 
with her own, and told me that I could feel you...but I 
couldn't. It was all mumbo jumbo to me, the man who's 
open to everything couldn't be open to this...I...Melissa 
said that my anger and fear was blocking."

"Mulder, Melissa was-"

"Melissa was following her path, Scully. In fact, she 
came to me later, and talked me out of pursuing a very 
dark road. You had been taken off the machines. She 
wanted me to come and say goodbye to you, to not 
continue down the path I'd chosen. So, I came...I sat at 
your deathbed, and I have no idea what I said to you, 
but I was there."

Scully stroked at Mulder's cheek, removing an errant 
tear that slid down his face. She followed behind her 
fingers with her mouth in the same way Mulder had earlier. 
Time seemed to stand still, the moment paused as she
place gentle kisses across his cheeks and brow.

"I heard you, Mulder. I heard your voice, and I came 
back. Do you realize if you hadn't come to see me, if 
you hadn't left your comfort zone and forced yourself to 
be there for me, I might not be here today? It's mind-
boggling, Mulder, to realize all the choices there are, 
and how each and every one from the tiniest decision we 
make, to what we perceive as life altering decisions, 
can impact our lives so tremendously."

Sighing Scully continued, "It's like the stone being 
thrown into the water, each ripple spreading and 
impacting another. If I hadn't left Daniel, if I'd 
remained in the rigid science he embraces, I wouldn't 
have considered anything beyond medical science as a 
treatment for his disease. I wouldn't have looked at the 
miracles of prayer; I wouldn't have considered a more 
holistic approach to healing. But, my exposure to you-"

"Gee, Scully, you make me sound like a disease," Mulder 
laughed.

Ignoring him, she continued, "My time with the X-files, 
the challenges to my life and my faith, have caused me 
to think and to grow, to question, and not stagnate like 
Daniel has done. Having faith does not mean having to 
check your brain at the door. It's essentially believing 
in things that cannot be categorized, filed or easily 
referenced, but that you know deep within your soul, 
they are true."

"So, are you saying you've chosen the right path, 
Scully? You can be content with me, here where we are 
now?" he whispered, placing both hands on each side of 
her face and forcing their eyes to meet.

"I'm saying that there is truth in all things, Mulder. 
And, my truth is with you. And--"

"And, what Scully?" he murmured, closing the distance 
between them.

Reaching her hands into his hair, she pulled him even closer.

"And, Mulder, one thing above all other I know--"

"Hmm...?" he replied, delicately nibbling at her earlobe
as though she were a flaky croissant.

"I know that you need to be sleepily making lots of 
coffee...lots and lots of coffee," she chuckled, pulling 
the blankets over their heads. "And, we are going to be
very late to work."

"Now that's something I think we can both believe..."

"Oooh, yeah..."


~*~*~*~ dlynn, April, 2000