Context by dlynn
Website: http://home.mpinet.net/laster
Rating: MSR, PG
Summary: "It's mind-boggling, Mulder, to realize all the choices
there are, and how each and every one from the tiniest decision we make, to
what we perceive as life altering decisions, can impact our lives so tremendously."
Comments: Very funny and sweet! ("lots of coffee" *snicker*)
This story definitely captured the essence of the M&S we know and love.
I loved hearing scully and Mulder talk about Daniel, and Melissa... :-)
Title: Context
Author: dlynn
Feedback: dlynn1550@my-deja.com
Category: vignette
Distribution: Xemplary, Spooky's, Gossamer,
yes. All others yes, but I'd like to know so I might visit.
Spoilers: post episode for All Things, One Breath
Rating: PG
Summary "It's mind-boggling, Mulder, to realize all the choices there
are,
and how each and every one from the tiniest decision we make, to
what we perceive as life altering decisions, can impact our lives
so tremendously."
Disclaimers: Nope, not mine. Not one little bit, but I sure have fun with
them.
Context, and my other stories can be found at http://home.mpinet.net/laster
Context
Scully walked into Mulder's bedroom,
shedding her
clothing as swiftly, and quietly as possible. She
opened one of the drawers in his armoire, grabbed
a Knick's T-shirt and slid the soft, Mulder scent
over her head. Picking up the white paper bag she'd
laid on the floor, she headed for her side of the bed.
She pulled open the paper edges of the bag, and removed
a warm, fragrant muffin which she slowly edged over the
blankets towards Mulder.
"I know you aren't asleep, Mulder.
I see your eyes
twitching," she whispered as she brought the apple
cinnamon muffin closer to his cheek.
Without opening his eyes, he turned
his head in the
direction of the muffin and nibbled a small bite from
her outstretched hand. Letting the muffin dissolve
against his tongue in a swirl of sugar and spice, Mulder
murmured, "I'm sleep-eating, Scully. And, after I finish
doing that, I plan on sleepily making lo-"
"Mulder, don't even say it or
think it. We'll be late to
work," Scully admonished as she tore another hunk of
muffin from its paper cup and laid it on Mulder's
outstretched tongue. He contentedly chewed, still with
his eyes closed, but a delighted smile tweaking at his
lips.
"Scully, you wound me. I was
only going to say that I
was going to be sleepily making lots of coffee, to go
with your delicious treats."
"Right, Mulder -- sleepily making
lots of coffee -- I'm
sure those were going to be your next words."
Scully pulled back the sheet and settled
herself cross-
legged beside him. Reaching into the bag she pulled out
a couple of napkins which she opened up and spread
between them. She laid two croissants and another muffin
on the tissue before delving into the bag again
for styrafoam cups. Ripping the plastic lid off of one,
she allowed the rich aroma to fill the air.
Mulder's left eye peaked open just
as she took her first
sip. "Oooh, Scully, you know what I like," came his sexy
voice as he turned and reached for the other cup she
held out. "I'm not going to convince you that we should
be sleepily making lots of coffee, am I?" he said,
sitting up in the bed, resting his back against the
headboard.
"Not if we are going to make
it into work at any modicum
of a reasonable hour, no you're not," she replied,
nibbling at her own muffin.
Laughing he slipped his plastic lid
off his cup, and
took an appreciative swallow. "Gotta love, Bailey's,
Scully - the best coffee and croissants in DC."
"I'm still trying to figure out
how I ended up going out
for them at such a God forsaken hour this morning? I
thought that was supposed to be your big 'He-man's' job,
to protect the fair lady from muggers and attackers, to
valiantly hoist your sword, and venture forth for
sustenance, especially since it's your kitchen that
exists as a virtual wasteland for anything remotely
edible."
"Well, the only thing I've been
"hoisted" on lately,
Scully, is my own petard. And, as far as protecting
fair Dana from muggers and such, it's more likely they
would be the one's needing help. And, I seem to recall
you were the one who said, and I quote, 'Mulder, I
hadn't planned on spending the night, and I really
should go home and get a change of clothes before we
head to work.'"
Sticking her tongue out in his direction,
didn't have
quite the desired effect as Mulder reached over, grabbed
it gently with his lips and pulled it into his mouth.
Scully reveled in the heady blend of apples, cinnamon
and Mulder as she slid into his sleepy embrace.
Bringing his lips up to place a gentle
kiss at her nose,
Mulder asked, "You sure we don't have time to make lots
of coffee?"
Instead of answering, Scully placed
a fat croissant in
his mouth. Laughing, he tore off a bite, and mumbled in
between chewing.
"So, Scully, are you telling
me that you brought a
holistic healer to see your friend, Daniel? You went
searching for auras?"
Reaching across Mulder to snatch a
bite of his
croissant, Scully pulled her leg up underneath her and
sat back against the pillows.
"Why do you seem so surprised,
Mulder? You of all people
should be aware of the extreme possibilities that can
exist if we open ourselves up to them."
"Scully, having David Crosby's
baby aside, I just am
surprised that you embraced this "aura" thing with such
fervency," he said as he dropped the sack holding the
dregs of their breakfast over the side of the bed.
"That's gonna spill and make a mess, Mulder."
"Fine, I'll call in the maid.
I'll make sure when
Frohike dusts for bugs today that he wears his black
skirt and white, frilly apron. He should do a great job
with a few croissant crumbs."
Scully chortled as she settled herself
back into the
covers, laying her tousled head on Mulder's bare chest.
"Oh Lord, Mulder, what a vision - Frohike in a French
maid's ensemble, lacy cap above his bandana, and feather
duster grasped in his fingerless gloved hand."
"You're just full of visions
these days, aren't you Dr.
Scully? --Visions and auras --Should we be trading in
your cross for a crystal," Mulder said, reaching between
them to touch her gold chain that hung from her neck.
Scully looked down at his hand where
it stroked the gold
chain that lay against her chest. "No...I'm not forsaking
my faith. I believe in the power of prayer; I believe in
God's power to heal. I do believe in miracles. How can I
not after all we've been through?" she whispered as she
placed her hand on top of his.
Raising her face to meet his gaze,
Scully realized he'd
be taken aback by the tears in her eyes. It seemed she
was full of tears these days. Tears that had been such
a long time coming, now seemed to be so close to the
surface. It was as though she was finally coming out
of a long, dark tunnel.
Mulder bent his head and gently kissed
the corners of
her eyelids. He trailed his warm, moist lips down her
cheeks, lapping at each salty dewdrop until he came to
rest at the corner of her mouth where he breathed, "It's
good to see you cry, Scully."
Sliding her mouth against his, she
rejoiced in this
emotional closeness that they were beginning to share,
not only a sexual intimacy but their being able to
talk more freely about their feelings, their wants
and desires.
They'd die for each other, but now
they seemed more
willing to live for each other as well.
Pulling away from Mulder's ardent
pursuit, Scully
wrapped her arms around him so that they lay facing each
other, side by side. Gently stroking his lip as he
placed tiny kisses on her fingertips, she responded.
"With, Daniel. I was frightened
at first, Mulder.
Truthfully, I felt that finding him right now, was
a potentially scary answer to my discontent-"
"Discontent? With me?"
"Honestly...partially... With
you, with the life we lead,
with the choices I've made that I worried might not be
the correct choices for me."
"You've been sleep walking, Scully-"
Mulder said,
caressing her hair back from her face.
"Yes, I have. I've been caught
in a world where I have
felt life has in some ways sped by me at break neck
speed. And...and, I've only barely managed to hang on.
It's like when you're in the ocean, and the waves are
breaking fast and furious. You manage to keep your
toehold, you keep your head above water, but you don't
really get the chance to obtain purchase on solid ground
before the next big wave comes and slams into you."
Chewing her words over, like he just
had the sweet muffin
he'd just consumed, Mulder asked, "Have you
found your toehold, Scully? Are you able to pull
yourself back up onto the shore, or are things still
crashing into you?"
"Seeing Daniel, again, was seductive.
I could feel
myself falling into past habits, deferring to the
desires of someone else, to please him, but at the
expense of pleasing myself. And, seeing him made me
wonder...for a moment, yes...what it might have been
like if I had chosen a path with him."
"Would you be happier, more fulfilled,
having chosen
that path, Scully?" Mulder asked, a slight catch in his
voice as if he were afraid of the answer.
Grasping hold of his hand, and bringing
the palm to her
cheek where she lay it against her face, Scully replied,
"No... I am not the person I once was. There is no way to
interpret what might have been because the context has
changed. I can't look at that scenario through the eyes
of a 25-year-old. That capability is beyond me. I have
only the context of this time, of where I am now to
examine that other road. And, I like who I am now. And,
this...Dana...could not be happy with that."
As he gently stroked her cheek, Scully
could feel
Mulder's relief at her words. His body relaxed, and his
breathing slowed as he realized she hadn't chosen
Daniel, or what he could offer her.
"Daniel got stuck, Mulder. He
didn't grow; he stagnated
for the last ten years. His life has been focused on an
illusion that he couldn't have, a belief that what he
chose when he chose me was all there was in life. He
couldn't see that maybe that wasn't what was meant to
be, that maybe there was a different life for him."
"But you were apparently very
much alike. You were his
student. He was your mentor. You-"
"I was enthralled with him, and
I thought that was what
I wanted. But, there came a time when I realized, I
didn't want his vision for life. Maybe, that's where my
faith comes in, Mulder. I've always had to juggle my
scientific rationalism with the idea that I have a
spiritual side, that I am a person of faith.
And, I've also been aware, although I've not allowed
myself to explore it, that I might be more intuitive
than I've given myself credit. Staying with Daniel
would not have allowed that dichotomy. I would have
always been struggling against something...and not
known what."
"Scully, I never told you about
how I first met Melissa.
It was in the hospital, when you were returned to us,"
Mulder said as he reached across Scully into his bedside
table to retrieve a Kleenex box. As he handed her the
tissue, he continued, "Melissa was standing over you.
She had a crystal in her hand, and she was holding it
over your body. You were in a coma, attached to so many
machines...you looked so small, so helpless...I-" His voice
trailed off.
Scully wrapped her arms around him,
and pulled him
tightly into her embrace. After a few cleansing breaths,
he continued. "She said you had just told her not to
call me Fox. And, she told me you were deciding whether
to stay or to...to move on. She placed my hand above you,
with her own, and told me that I could feel you...but I
couldn't. It was all mumbo jumbo to me, the man who's
open to everything couldn't be open to this...I...Melissa
said that my anger and fear was blocking."
"Mulder, Melissa was-"
"Melissa was following her path,
Scully. In fact, she
came to me later, and talked me out of pursuing a very
dark road. You had been taken off the machines. She
wanted me to come and say goodbye to you, to not
continue down the path I'd chosen. So, I came...I sat at
your deathbed, and I have no idea what I said to you,
but I was there."
Scully stroked at Mulder's cheek,
removing an errant
tear that slid down his face. She followed behind her
fingers with her mouth in the same way Mulder had earlier.
Time seemed to stand still, the moment paused as she
place gentle kisses across his cheeks and brow.
"I heard you, Mulder. I heard
your voice, and I came
back. Do you realize if you hadn't come to see me, if
you hadn't left your comfort zone and forced yourself to
be there for me, I might not be here today? It's mind-
boggling, Mulder, to realize all the choices there are,
and how each and every one from the tiniest decision we
make, to what we perceive as life altering decisions,
can impact our lives so tremendously."
Sighing Scully continued, "It's
like the stone being
thrown into the water, each ripple spreading and
impacting another. If I hadn't left Daniel, if I'd
remained in the rigid science he embraces, I wouldn't
have considered anything beyond medical science as a
treatment for his disease. I wouldn't have looked at the
miracles of prayer; I wouldn't have considered a more
holistic approach to healing. But, my exposure to you-"
"Gee, Scully, you make me sound
like a disease," Mulder
laughed.
Ignoring him, she continued, "My
time with the X-files,
the challenges to my life and my faith, have caused me
to think and to grow, to question, and not stagnate like
Daniel has done. Having faith does not mean having to
check your brain at the door. It's essentially believing
in things that cannot be categorized, filed or easily
referenced, but that you know deep within your soul,
they are true."
"So, are you saying you've chosen
the right path,
Scully? You can be content with me, here where we are
now?" he whispered, placing both hands on each side of
her face and forcing their eyes to meet.
"I'm saying that there is truth
in all things, Mulder.
And, my truth is with you. And--"
"And, what Scully?" he murmured,
closing the distance
between them.
Reaching her hands into his hair, she pulled him even closer.
"And, Mulder, one thing above all other I know--"
"Hmm...?" he replied, delicately
nibbling at her earlobe
as though she were a flaky croissant.
"I know that you need to be sleepily
making lots of
coffee...lots and lots of coffee," she chuckled, pulling
the blankets over their heads. "And, we are going to be
very late to work."
"Now that's something I think we can both believe..."
"Oooh, yeah..."
~*~*~*~ dlynn, April, 2000
